There are many subjects in life that we may think about from time to time, but one subject that is probably the most difficult and avoided with great prejudiced, is being alone. I mean that people may talk about it often, but actually experiencing it is hard to bear.
The reason it is the hardest subject is because when we realize that we are born alone and die alone, it means we have to face the infinite unknown of life, death and the universe by ourselves with only our inherent wits in order to progress or not. Everyone, even in the midst of a crowded room of what we might consider friends, in reality is still alone. it is merely a distraction to be with many, a few or even one other person that we like or love and yet we are still alone.
This is so significant because, after basic survival, avoiding the experience of feeling alone is the greatest behavior modifying factor in just about everyone. It governs our relationships, careers, spiritual aspirations, health choices, art, music, families, governments... everything.
Why?
Because most, if not all of us want to avoid the feeling of facing the reality of being alone and will create any kind of insulating environment and experience to avoid that feeling and the reality of it.
Physiologically, in order to face being alone, which also means facing the unknown, means that the brain needs to stretch. It means having to create endless new neural connections to try and process the notion of the infinite unknown. And, our brains are basically lazy, want to take the most comfortable route and be fed comfort food.
What is the comfort food of the brain?
"Beliefs"
Belief in Gods, heaven and other imaginary spiritual pursuits, belief that behaving exaggeratedly positive, having love, families, other relationships, drugs, excessive eating, careers, fame, riches, health, fitness, quantity over quality in friends, unbridled sex, fetishes and even torture and hurting others in whatever form is the avoidance of the fact that we are born and die alone.
Now just because you don't believe something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It is just a certain kind of mindset. Do you view an idea in a finite way or view it as an ongoing investigation? Belief is finite, agnostic is the ongoing investigation. Belief is a kind of temporary comfort pill.
(Now people who have strong beliefs, may have a hard time accepting these observations, but that is the nature of being a believer to begin with. I can hear them now saying, "Well I feel God in my heart." But those are emotional coping mechanisms and theoretical hopes. There is no basis on science and I am not going to go down this religious path in this discussion, because I am speaking to those who don't buy into that distraction.)
Even when a person says they need to be alone and enjoy it, they are not generally facing their lonesomeness, but being alone so they can indulge in whatever their favorite distraction is without interference. It is not actually experiencing being alone. In fact, some people that want to be alone so that they can feel depressed or visa verse, people who feel depressed and want to be alone, is because there is a survival mechanism in us that releases endorphins when we feel sorry for ourselves and mitigates some of the feeling of loneliness.
If all else fails, the ultimate form of avoidance is suicide.
So what is the answer? I'm sorry to say that there is no comfy answer, only that of a certain kind of constant effort that each of us can make, but it takes constant care and attention. Eventually, there is a kind of comfort, but it in itself takes consistent effort. The answer is to be able to do the right kind of brain expansion work with good humor, that will allow you to face the infinite unknown. If you do the right things and get into the habit of brain expansion, you will eventually begin to not only enjoy the process, but crave it. The actual craving part is like the snake eating it's own tail, in that; the craving is a sort of avoidance of facing the unknown, by becoming excited and comfortable facing it. Its like becoming addicted to a healthy life style, than a life style of unhealthy addictions. Now this does not help all the time either because, lets face it, life is still unfair and painful. We all still have tremendous biological needs for comfort, love and acceptance. That is why even though there is a way to deal with it, it still takes constant effort. This is why I am so driven to teaching the Mindmavericks.org brain expansion games and sharing it with others. It helps me and it helps others, a win win all around. Now I am not saying that Mindmavericks.org training is the only way, in fact the goal of Mindmavericks.org is for fostering independence. Whatever way you can consistently expand your visionary mind is just fine. And, I don't mean doing the distraction of memorizing more stuff either. (See Mindmavericks.org for more on memorization vs. developing the visionary mind.)
